我最近用英文创作的新作品2

nick666666

回复 19# 风满楼


    谢谢指导。我会检讨标点符号这方面的问题。关于休假的英文解释，我也记录在我的notepad了。嗯，未来的新博客基本上都是中文为主，我也赞成老师你的观点。可是现在这个旧的英文博客还是会继续写。无论如何都要谢谢老师百忙之中抽空看我的帖。

风满楼

回复 18# nick666666

A few days ago,I had caught a very serious cold

a few days ago=>过去某个时间=>用过去式：
I caught a bad cold a few days ago.
就像：I saw a snake yesterday. 不要说：I had seen a snake yesterday.

it supposed to be

(Longman) be supposed to do/be something :
used to say what was or is expected or intended to happen, especially when it did not happen: No one was supposed to know about it.
The meeting was supposed to take place on Tuesday, but we've had to postpone it.
The new laws are supposed to prevent crime.

thinking that should I spend my time on writing some articles；whether should I change a job

为什么用疑问句句型should I？

I felt myself refreshing and reviving.

为什么“I felt myself”？
refreshing, reviving, ...ing 是"令人感到xxx";
refreshed, revived, ...ed 是"感到xxx"，例：I feel revived.

reading book；book is my legacy

book 是可数名词，不能这样用。

And I come up with such a slogan

come: 须要重复想到的吗？I've come up... 我想到了； slogan是口号，标语，打广告用的；如果想说座右铭，应该是 motto（mottos/mottoes）比较恰当。

whenever I get my paid I buy books.

paid 不是名词，薪水：salary 或 wage；参考Longman Word Choice

I can't control myself for buying books,quit drinking coffee and telling the truth.

这句很怪...

a honest sales person

an honest salesperson；salesperson 是一个单词，推销员应该不可以搞错吧？

Unluckily,I am the latter one.

unluckily 应该没错，但似乎unfortunately 比较常听到

nick666666

回复 22# 风满楼


    谢谢老师，今天我又学习到了。我在下个月换工作后回去新加坡的学院拿短期课程以求进步。晚上放工我会去思考我写不对的地方。除了谢谢，还是谢谢。

风满楼

回复  风满楼
    谢谢老师，今天我又学习到了。我在下个月换工作后回去新加坡的学院拿短期课程以求进 ...
nick666666 发表于 17-2-2011 12:29 PM

修什么课程？

nick666666

回复 24# 风满楼

老师谢谢你的教导。我改了一点，也去做了一些功课。相信虽然还是有不足还是语意上的问题，在你的指导后，我明白错在哪里，让我有一些小进步。我会去拿电脑程序的课程，电脑动画课程，还有免费的英文课程（学到会那种）。这些都是我的兴趣，对未来我想从事的事业也有帮助。

Coffee is my ecstasy, honesty is my policy and knowledge is my legacy.
   
FYI: A few days ago, I caught a very  serious cold; my body ached all over. Feeling numb and drowsy, I was  unable to focus my attention on my work. My brain seemed to have  malfunctioned and consequently I can't manage to achieving the sales  target expected by my company.

Today  is my day off and I supposed it will be an extremely productive day to  me. But it isn't. After I woke up early in the morning, thinking that I  should spend my time on writing some articles, doing some house chores  and drawing comics. It turned out that I was totally surrendered by my  drowsiness, falling asleep again.

Finally, I woke up around 3. With the help of the icy coldness of tap water, I felt myself refreshed and revived. I quickly dressed up and went out for  lunch. A cup of hot coffee would be the best medicine for me to cure my  illness and cheer me up. In my life, there are three very important things  to me: drinking coffee, being honest and reading books. And I have come up  with such a motto as below: Coffee is my ecstasy, honesty is my policy  and knowledge is my legacy.



Whenever  I feel sleepy I drink coffee, whenever I tell a lie I hate myself and  whenever I have extra money I buy books. It might sound strange and funny  to people who don't know me well. However, most of my close friends knew  that I can't even prevent myself from keep buying books crazily, drinking  coffee habitually and telling the truth directly. In order to survive in sales line, a good  salesman in this century have to tell a lie to his customer very often  just to close the deal successfully. It is very obvious that a deceitful  salesperson can contribute more sales figure to the company than an  honest salesperson. Unfortunately, I am the latter one.



Lately  I have pondered long and deeply whether I should change a job or  not. The answer is already floating on my mind now. I want a change...

你的指导胜过我的新加坡同事指导。老师万岁！

风满楼

回复 25# nick666666

My brain seemed to have  malfunctioned and consequently I can't manage to achieving the sales  target expected by my company.

can't manage: 为什么过去“脑袋故障”，现在才无法......; manage to achieving: 为什么用achieving？建议：I failed to achieve...

and drawing comics

comic其实指的是漫画杂志或漫画书，而那种在报纸上看到一系列漫画或卡通叫做 comic strip 或 cartoon strip；但我不是说 drawing comics 是不正确的，这可能是类似 writing books/a book 的说法吧。

I was totally surrendered by my  drowsiness

会觉得这一句，surrender 的被动式用法，很奇怪吗？“我被...屈服了”？

With the help of the icy coldness of tap water

为什么不直接说 icy cold tap water; 我们热带的自来水有那么冷吗？

And I have come up  with such a motto as below:

你不觉得 as below 在这里是多余的吗？至于 as below 的用法，参考
General Writing and Grammar Help/"as below" vs "as follows"

most of my close friends knew  that I can't

为什么他们过去能知道现在的事？未仆先知；他们过去知道，现在不知道了吗？

I can't even prevent myself from keep buying books crazily, drinking  coffee habitually and telling the truth directly.

...还是觉得怪

to survive in sales line

感觉“in sales line”怪怪的，所以去谷歌搜寻“in sales line”，“work in sales line”，发现都是新马的网站...... 我不熟悉商业的用语，但 in sales 不就OK了吗，为什么还要加个 line？或者不确定的话可以换个角度来说，例如：to survive as a salesperson 之类的......

a good  salesman in this century have to tell a lie

为什么只有这个世纪的销售员才须要撒谎？其他世纪的呢？我觉得“in this century” 是多余的；为什么 a good salesman ... have to

最后想说的是，有一伙新加坡及大马人有一种风气，以为用得越多“深奥”，“冷门”或很“chim”的字眼，最好是别人看不懂或须要翻字典求解的字眼，就越能显得自己的英语高人一等（似乎新加坡人都有这种渴望高人一等的情结 ）所以常会看到他们不放过机会大量使用那些在词典里被标上“FORMAL”的字眼，充满浓厚的炫耀动机；但这样做只会让人觉得他们的英语“怪怪dei”又很别扭，当然同类则会猛烈向他们投以仰慕或含情脉脉的眼神...... 我建议避免感染这种不良风气，尽量使用简单的字眼及地道的词语和方式来表达自己最为恰当。

nick666666

回复 26# 风满楼


    明白了，老师。现在我在上班了。谢谢你的点醒。我会继续学习以致减少错误。你的学习帖子几时还会有更新？

风满楼

I felt myself refreshed and revived

I feel/felt 之后不要加上 myself，直接说 I feel/felt invigorated 就行了。
你可以说 I find myself... 但不是每个动词都可以这么用。

nick666666

回复 28# 风满楼


    原来是这样。又学到了。最近我的新目标在于把所有的文法的基础从新打好。每天都在做习题，和思考。从风老师的指导，我知道自己应该做什么了。谢谢老师百忙之中抽空为我指点迷津。谢谢。

Summer_kaze

文章有些語病。（有錯請批評指教）
God 就可以，不必說the God。。

nine-day holiday has over.
I don't know whether I could get along with my new colleagues.
I shed my tears silently at the secret corner where nobody notices me.

nick666666

回复 30# Summer_kaze


    谢谢你的分享与指教。

风满楼

The holiday has over..... 很怪......
The holiday is over.
如果是 "at the corner"，应该没办法偷偷地哭吧......
in the corner

ju87

The holiday has over..... 很怪......
The holiday is over.
如果是 "at the corner"，应该没办法偷偷地 ...
风满楼 发表于 24-2-2011 08:25 AM

呵呵，可能是“将泪丢去角落”的意思

风满楼

at/on the corner 通常指的是街角，或角头的外面......
in the corner 才是房间里的角落，角头的里面......

Summer_kaze

謝謝指點。。是in the corner..